Why?

I won't lie to y'all. Intolerance and ignorance makes me sad.
Why can't people who love each other, gender regardless, be left alone. Why do so many idiots care about who is having sex with who and why are they thinking so much about it? It's creepy to me.

I am pretty sure there is a name for it. No, I am leaving religion out since, for example, there are gay Christians. I'm leaving religion out of this.

And for the curious, I am from the South, but I believe i myself and put my faith in the Greek Goddess, Artemis. I think this stems from the fact that animals are my passion and when I am doing any difficult animal work, I mentally ask for her guidance.But pulling through difficult situations, I believe in myself and use forced inner strength to get through it. It has made me stronger and more understanding because of it. It also gains you patience and more happiness down the line.

I want more people to know and try to see that there is a great inner strength in everyone. It is there and if you try, you can pull from it. Push past the doubt and see what lies beneath, Be yourself, not someone everyone else wants you to be.

I also wish more people would try and learn tolerance. It is difficult but worth it. Do y'all know how many people I want to punch in the face? Maybe you do not want to know..XD.

I know I probably do not make much sense but this was more or less me venting after reading something that was pure ignorance and idiocy. Why must these people breed?

Let's face it...

I have come to realize that I am the best procrastinator in existence. Shesh, I dare anyone to challenge me!
You never will, will you?

Honestly, people who like my works, I am writing, drawing and video editing when I can.
Everyday without uploading an update or finishing one of the promised prize videos makes me very sad. I feel as though I am letting a lot of people down. You are good people who have been nothing but supportive when I got into the crazy but fun world of multimedia.<3.

You listened to my problems, gave me the kind of support I didn't think I would ever have from anyone and the comments, subscriptions, faves, alerts and watches make me happier than you could possibly know.

I have done my best to be supportive in return and review when I am able. I feel bad about faving and running, it's just that I do not always know what to say after reading or seeing something I really, really like, especially when better feedback than 'awesome' is requested.

And, I know I have been repeatedly making promises with no show. I hate that. I promise I do.
But, I am trying to work harder so I can make up for the mess.=(

I am truly sorry and everyone of you guys and gals are awesome for your patience about my stuff.
I just hope the stuff I have shall be up to par with your expectations.

As always, never hesitate to point out a nit-pick or critique me. I always appreciate it, even the blunt ones.=)
I wish you all the best of the best.
               ~RogueWarrior869

Blah and yay

I am at a point right ow where I know the next few days are gonna suck so hard.=(
I'm hungry but it's essentially killed my will to eat anything right now. I did muster up the drive to eat/drink an orange frozen juice stick, thing. Ah, well. Missing a day of drinking and eating isn't exactly going to hurt me. If you saw me in real, you would know why.XD

On the yay;
Raspberry Jelly filled doughnuts! Why did it take so long for me to find out that these are delicious as is the raspberry jelly itself.<3.

And of course, mint chocolate chip ice cream! *runs around in joy* I love this stuff. I kind if wish I had some more now. It's so good.<3.

I'm going to go wash some dishes and finish applying to wal-mart. I hate being broke.>=(

I have made up my mind.

Shesh(my new favorite non-existing word), A couple of days ago, I made up my mind.
About what? You probably did not ask.

Well, I have come to the saddening realization that attending classes to study vet medicine just are not possible right now and may not be for another couple of years if not more. This is due to my head problems.


However, I do have another dream that I wanted almost as much and I am pursuing it now with great joy, actually.

I want something/anything of mine to be published somewhere and not from a place that sends you fake certificates and wants you to buy the book.<_<.
I love words and writing in general. So, to see anything I have written published somewhere would make me insanely happy, for like, well, forever.XD.

In terms of of my medium skills, they are in order as listed:
1: Writing,
2: Photography.
3: Matching clips/pics to songs.
4: Drawing.

I really want to try other mediums as well. There is a make your pottery place not far from where I live and it would be really fun to go. Even if whatever I made looks unidentifiable, it would still be fun to go and try it. :)

I'm not putting my fanfics or anything on the back burner. I have plans for them which involve finishing them. It's just after a few months of feeling bad due to my health, still no idea what is wrong, this idea made me very, very happy and even if it doesn't happen, just pursuing it and sending off things is bringing me great joy.

I'll catch you guys and gals later. I have to go work out some plots and write. Also, play more Darksiders. It is quite fun.;3

Why do I keep doing this?

I have videos to finish, updates to write and a couple of pieces of art to finish. And yet, here I am telling you this while I am also sleepy.DX.

To help,  I am closing my Deviantart tab and minimizing my browser, only using for a quick ref if need be and get some shtick done. I think I get at least write something to show I am still working on it.

All I have been able to give for the past few months have been broken promises. It was never intentional, I've just felt awful and had varying levels of pain headaches. Mainly flash.

I am really am trying you guys, and the comments and everything make me happy and have been brightening this sort of sad time for me right now. They are appreciated more than you could know. Even the faves or alerts/watches make me very happy and inspire me greatly.

One of the biggest problems, aside the pain, has been at time, I absolutely cannot handle looking at the monitor or television and this includes the fact that noise at the time when these episodes occur, makes me want to be physically ill.

Tossing in my memory problems, I'll leave the rest out, it has been difficult for me to do the work I want. It makes me sad when there are days I haven't/can't get anything written and or made.

I'm going to go try and get something done before I go to bed. Good morning all!
Signing off at 7:08am, central time.;p

Something more light hearted now.

I had a good time at Grandmothers yesterday. It was nice and relaxing, something I needed, badly.

Why is it when I have so many projects to get done and turned in for people on the internet, I get consistently side-tracked by games and primarily shiny bouncy objects?

It's been this way for years. I am easily distracted and a procrastinator. I'm so good at those two things, it's a wonder I ever get anything done at all.X3.

I'm tired and should have done this later, but no, I had to do it now before I went to lay down. after not getting much sleep for the two days.  Another fun yet annoying habit of mine.

Good night.morning all!  Hope yo all had a great 4th yesterday.=D.
Shesh, it's 8:28am right now. Later!

Eh.

Warning: This entry contains a curse word.


I'll do a more cheery post later, but for now, I am going to vent a little before I have to go bed if I want enough sleep to not go on a verbal rage. As much fun as it would be for me, it would have unwanted consequences that I am in no damn mood to deal with.

As I have said in the post below this one, I have horrible memory problems. This also includes varying headaches(those are better since I have taking some severe sinus meds), differing levels of comprehension, spacing out at random and a couple of other small things.

I'm clear of tumors and abnormal brain activity and a lot of diseases, yet, no one can narrow down or even figure out why I am getting these headaches and having this memory problem.

The point of the above explanation is for this: It's been getting and has gotten worse.

I'll begin with what little I do remember. It was either 17th or 24th of June, this year, it was heading into late at night and earlier that day I had been compensated for my time at the plasma center after donating plasma. I felt as nothing unusual as I have been doing this for the majority of the past going on three or four years now.

Things were as normal until that night when out of nowhere, my head felt horrible. Not so much pain as weird. Not even the good weird either. I spent the rest of that night holed up in my room as long as possible, honestly thinking I was going to keel over and die, tears were shed, realizations were made and it still bothers me even now.

I still haven't told anyone about it and I have no plans to do so. until further notice.
I have my reasons. For example, for going on a few months now, I was supposed to go back to the eye doctor for some blood results and so the guy could look at my eyes again as he had me on different eye drops for up to a week, it might have been two, I do not know.

I still haven't been taken back. Even before the recent circumstances started, there was time but no one would take me as it mainly involved getting up early or no one decided who would do it.>_<.

And no, I am not under-age but due to circumstances with my eyes being horrible and different not-so-great eye doctors, I spent more than a few years believing I was going to eventually be blind in my left eye or even both. I had good reasons to believe this as my left eye is effed up. Stems are growing into the cornea's thanks to something in my immune system. One of the other reasons I was to go back there was to get some blood results as well.

It's not physically possible for me to go by myself, even though I would just about prefer too now.

I am also not going to bother asking about it anymore. Everyone else has a ton of problems they're wrapped up in and I have no desire to bother them with this, or the fact that almost every time I go to sleep, I feel a little lucky to actually wake up and not have died while I was sleeping because of my head problems.

At this rate, even though I would like to live to be an old woman, I'll probably be dead before I am thirty.

I'm usually more chipper and happy than this, but, every once and awhile, I like to vent. It took me years to teach myself that it is okay to feel more than happy or optimistic all of the time. Emotions are one of the things that make us who we are.

I do prefer being happy and smiling so when I get to be by myself, I like to vent what I keep bottled up when I am not alone.

How are you supposed to talk to people who don't understand?

Urgh...

For those who do not know, I have horrible memory problems. It's affecting my daily life immensely and it's gotten the point where I am going to have to start carrying around a notepad and pencil just to remind myself to do certain things and keep up a conversation.

I'll tell you right now that day to day, I always get a chance to feel stupid simply because I can't remember something I was being talked to about. Conversations are harder and more or less, others tend to get annoyed with me for not being able to remember something or a hold conversation long enough or properly without getting confused and forgetting what it was even about.

The weird thing is, it comes and goes as sometimes I can remember things from years ago and other/most of the time, not happening.

So, day to day I wake up and sub consciously know that at least once in the day/night, I get to feel like the one of the stupidest people on this planet, even though I know I can't help it.=\

Now I've gone from being frustrated to being sad and wanting to cry a little.

Thanks for listening to me vent internet, one of the reasons why I love you.<3.
Good night/morning all! :)

Better days.

....I have the Portal end song stuck in my head right now...Don't ask, just don't.=p.

Anyway, I actually got some decent sleep last night and for the first time in four days I did not have a bad dream. I didn't have a dream at all, or maybe I did, see, all I knew was black, complete darkness yet I was aware I was there. Then I was woken up from this slumber do to some assisting with a chore or two.

Last night turned out better than expected as I managed to get some drawing done and plan out a four part book series. There are four main characters and each book will be told from their perspective. Hm. I might be able to cut that down to two books. One with their perspectives and the sequel that follows up with everything that happened and an aftermath.epilogue.

Once I have a few chapters written, I will upload it to my Fictionpress account. I go the same user-name just about everywhere. Deviantart, Fanfiction,net, Fictionpress.net, other fanfiction websites I need to actually log in too, MediaMier.org, Here, I'm trying to get my theOtaku.com password so I can log-in again, YouTube, etc.

I also go by MatsuMiwa and on Youtube MatsuoMiwa87, but those are for requests. I just went ahead made the accounts with that name so when I am good enough for requests, I will already have an account my secondary user-name that no one has beat me to. It works for me so don't try and understand it if it sounds nonsensical.X3.


Today is a good day for kicking back and playing some games and doing some writing, I think.
But wouldn't you know, there is always still a little work to do.D=.

I'm just rambling, un-funnily I add, right now.
Later. people reading this!

I was right.

Urgh, I went to sleep around 7:45am or so and spent a few minutes trying to get comfortable enough to sleep.
When I finally did doze off, I was woken up less than an hour later due to some noise and then I sleepily noticed something weird feeling on my left pointer finger.

Raising my head and moving my hand so I could look at it, I noticed that there a little bit of blood on my finger and then noticed right after that that my ear was bleeding, just a little. Somehow, in the few short minutes I had been asleep, I had knicked a small part of my ear and I still don't even know how.

Oh, and during this short period of sleep, yet another I had yet another bad dream and I think I had one more when I went back to sleep after being woken up by my Mother this morning before she left.

I'm still a little sleepy, hungry and thirsty and don't you know, there's still more work to do.
Times like this, I almost wished I liked hot coffee. I dislike hot drinks in general, cocoa is the only exception.

I'll update again tonight if I can. I still have a feeling the rest of this day isn't going to be that great.

I told you I'd be back.

I'm in a weird, happy, stressed, wired, almost wanting to be physically ill mood.
Yep, all of those at once and it sucks.

Because right now, it is 7:39am, I am tired but I know when I go to bed, I am going to have another bad dream due to the repressed stress I've been dealing with on my own and I'll be pulled deep in sleep, having another bad dream and when I wake up, I'll be far more tired than before I went bed and I'll have to trudge through another day dealing with stress while being extremely tired and I now curse my online and offline obligations.

Also, I am somewhat wired awake with combinations of worry and I suspect is a small sugar high. I barely slept yesterday either. Tired and awake at the same time. Don't try and imagine it as your brain will explode and that will hurt. It will also be messy...I may also be in a bit of a random mood, but I get to vent out here. Lemme alone.:p.

Okay, after pausing for a minute to check for typo's, because for some stupid reason, I am writing this without my glasses on and tired, the awake is leaving me swiftly. I dread turning in though. Here's to another bum day in which I hope isn't, but I know will be because I can tell. I see you, questioning me. Shesh, non-believer.

Anywho, before I go, I implore you, yes you, to checkout this blog. http://www.DavidGX.com
as I guarantee, you will not be disappointed.

I'll update this again later. However, I doubt anyone is reading this as I have not linked it to my profiles around the web, yet. Good night..morning people on the internet. Yes, you.O_O.

7:52am.

Hello and welcome.

Well, I didn't honestly think I would ever have one of these myself, turns out I am enjoying it so far.
Just so you know, I can be very, very random. Hence so will some of my posts and other times it will be more normal, so to speak.

I love writing. Reading books, manga, comics, etc, I just love reading as much as I love writing. So, you will see mentions of my own work here as well. But not often, I hope. I make no promises.

I write everything from fanfiction to songs and poems. Writing is a great joy to me and nothing is better than sitting at the computer or with a notebook, the kind with the paper with blue lines across it, playing some music, generally rock, more specifically Disturbed or Three Days Grace, you're goin' down is stuck in my head but that's going off point, having a cold drink beside me, see some lemon-lime drink or Dr.Pepper or a nice refreshing glass or bottle of water, and letting loose on the keyboard or with a pencil.

I also love drawing, but, I suck immensely at it. I am practicing but that is another blog post for another time.

I'm also one of those people who love hetero, male and female slash pairings and gender benders. I also acknowledge that most of my favorite pairings are not canon and nor will they ever be. It's just for fun, that is all.

I also like to make fanvideos with movie maker, I'm still messing around with my trial of sony vegas pro, 9 I think? Once I can, I want to make animations of my own as I have ideas and it's fun.


 I also love video games. J-rpg's are my all time favorites.
I love a few video game series though.

Street Fighter: Chun-li, Ryu and Guy are my favorites. Chun-li takes first place.
Tekken: Nina, Hwoarang, Kunimitsu, Leo, Jin. Nina and Hwoarang tie for first.
Final Fantasy series: Cloud, Tifa, Firion, Squall, Vaan, Van, Fran. Balthier, any Cid, Cecil, Kain, Rydia, Rosa, Ceodore, I could go on but the list would be far too long.

I'd make this longer, but, I have to get this uploaded as weather is moving in and it looks like rain and thunder soon.=\.

I'll return later, but for now, here are a few links to where I am elsewhere on the web. Feel free to pop a hello or some such.^_^.

Fanfiction.net/~RogueWarrior869
RogueWarrior869.Deviantart.com
Fictionpress.com/~RogueWarrior869
Youtube.com/RogueWarrior869

I probably messed up the links I;m not sure. I'm in an easily distracted by things mood and I bloody love my wireless keyboard, I just love typing on it and using it, then again what else do you do with a keyboard? On second thought, don't answer that.

I'm going to go try and get ome work done but fail as I will be distracted by making things on the computer and games.>_>.