Eh.

Warning: This entry contains a curse word.


I'll do a more cheery post later, but for now, I am going to vent a little before I have to go bed if I want enough sleep to not go on a verbal rage. As much fun as it would be for me, it would have unwanted consequences that I am in no damn mood to deal with.

As I have said in the post below this one, I have horrible memory problems. This also includes varying headaches(those are better since I have taking some severe sinus meds), differing levels of comprehension, spacing out at random and a couple of other small things.

I'm clear of tumors and abnormal brain activity and a lot of diseases, yet, no one can narrow down or even figure out why I am getting these headaches and having this memory problem.

The point of the above explanation is for this: It's been getting and has gotten worse.

I'll begin with what little I do remember. It was either 17th or 24th of June, this year, it was heading into late at night and earlier that day I had been compensated for my time at the plasma center after donating plasma. I felt as nothing unusual as I have been doing this for the majority of the past going on three or four years now.

Things were as normal until that night when out of nowhere, my head felt horrible. Not so much pain as weird. Not even the good weird either. I spent the rest of that night holed up in my room as long as possible, honestly thinking I was going to keel over and die, tears were shed, realizations were made and it still bothers me even now.

I still haven't told anyone about it and I have no plans to do so. until further notice.
I have my reasons. For example, for going on a few months now, I was supposed to go back to the eye doctor for some blood results and so the guy could look at my eyes again as he had me on different eye drops for up to a week, it might have been two, I do not know.

I still haven't been taken back. Even before the recent circumstances started, there was time but no one would take me as it mainly involved getting up early or no one decided who would do it.>_<.

And no, I am not under-age but due to circumstances with my eyes being horrible and different not-so-great eye doctors, I spent more than a few years believing I was going to eventually be blind in my left eye or even both. I had good reasons to believe this as my left eye is effed up. Stems are growing into the cornea's thanks to something in my immune system. One of the other reasons I was to go back there was to get some blood results as well.

It's not physically possible for me to go by myself, even though I would just about prefer too now.

I am also not going to bother asking about it anymore. Everyone else has a ton of problems they're wrapped up in and I have no desire to bother them with this, or the fact that almost every time I go to sleep, I feel a little lucky to actually wake up and not have died while I was sleeping because of my head problems.

At this rate, even though I would like to live to be an old woman, I'll probably be dead before I am thirty.

I'm usually more chipper and happy than this, but, every once and awhile, I like to vent. It took me years to teach myself that it is okay to feel more than happy or optimistic all of the time. Emotions are one of the things that make us who we are.

I do prefer being happy and smiling so when I get to be by myself, I like to vent what I keep bottled up when I am not alone.

How are you supposed to talk to people who don't understand?